TOP 5 NEWS PRESENTERS
Jeremy Paxman
Gavin Esler
Kirsty Young
David McNeill
Peter Donaldson (a newsreader, but I was running out)
TOP 5 PRETENTIOUS BANDS
Elastic
Alice
Jason Webley and backing
Embrace
The Band of the Coldstream Guards
TOP 5 MOST ANNOYING TORY POLITICIANS
I'm assuming these don't have to be current, to flesh the choice out a little
Norman Tebbit
Margaret Thatcher
Winston Churchill
Norman Lamont
Edwina Currie
TOP 5 COLOURS FOR A TOOTHBRUSH
That green which is neither quite natural nor quite cheery enough to be children-orientated
Blood red
Black, the colour of despair
Yellowish green, the colour your teeth will be soon
Transparent
TOP 5 CRICKET COMMENTATORS
Tony Cozier
Richie Benaud
John Arlott (although he's considerably dead)
Henry Blofeld
Dermot Reeve [good job I'm not chained to one of those lie-detector things]
TOP 5 WAYS NOT TO DO WORK
My trusty companion: try to do the week, feel proud, stop.
Watch Angel
Tag, tag, tag, close tag. /p, new paragraph, preformat. Tag, tag. tag, line break.
Sit at desk and think about cricket Courtesy Stephanie
Register for Algebraic Topology. Sit in lectures. Repeat 2-3 times per week until all enthusiasm for maths has evaporated.
And some new ones:
TOP 5 REASONS WHY ERIC CANTONA SHOULD BE THE NEXT PRIME MINISTER:
He speaks in short but abstract sentences which would make the press pay attention to him.
He could bicycle kick Michael Howard into submission
.
I've always wanted to see a prime minister with an upturned collar.
He was good in that 'Elizabeth' film.
His first name is an anagram of rice. His second name isn't an anagram of noodles.
TOP 5 NORWAY THEMED MARRIAGES:
Meg and Stephen (obviously)
Jenny and Mr Monckton (almost as obviously)
Shula and Darz (for tax reasons)
Miranda and Chloe (affirming equal rights for lesbians both straight and gay)
stephandtoby (cos it's already a domain name, after all)
TOP 5 DISTANCES WHICH ARE FURTHER THAN YOU EXPECT:
Two inches.
The gap between the bus and the ground.
The distance from central campus to the new Mathematics department, even though it's now closer
The distance a kangaroo can jump.
26 miles 385 yards.
TOP 5 PIECES IN 5:4
Take Five
Mission Impossible
The Isengard theme in 'The Lord of the Rings' (be quiet)
Serenade
Money (although it's more than 5:4, but an honorary entry)
TOP FIVE DAYS OF THE WEEK, IN ORDER:
Friday
Saturday
Thursday
Sunday
Wednesday
TOP FIVE MONTHS OF THE YEAR, IN ORDER:
July
May
September
October
August
TOP FIVER:
The old one with Stevenson's Rocket on it. I don't like the new one with that unheard of woman.
TOP 5 THINGS BEGINNING WITH THE LETTER 'G'
Galapagos islands
Gullibility (in others)
Georgian Architecture
Gyrating
Geoff Carter
TOP 5 PIECES PLAYED AS A MEMBER OF WWYO
Kalinnikov's First Symphony
Finlandia
In the Bleak Midwinter (for my extraordinarily lengthy solo)(
Where the Black Hawk Soars
Summer Suite (Malcolm Arnold)
TOP 5 ELEMENTS
O (or you'd be dead)
C (or we wouldn't exist)
Ca (for healthy teeth and bones)
U for the fun of nuclear power
Tb (under-rated)
TOP 5 BOOK CHARACTERS
Gilberte Swann/ de Saint-Loup/ de Forcheville/ Guermantes
Stephen Dedalus
Eeyore
Mistah Kurtz
Hermione
TOP 5 SHAPES FOR PASTA IN SPAGHETTI SAUCE
Alphabetti Spaghetti (honestly, you don't even call it by its proper name?)
Long, straight, no-nonsense
Noddy
The Beatles
Stars
TOP 5 OLYMPIC SPORTS
1) Cricket (Britain have been reigning Olympic champions for over 50 years)
2) Baseball (sweet, juicy statistics)
3) Weightlifting, (drugged people)
4) Gymnastics (lachrymose little girls)
5) Madison (Operative first syllable
TOP 5 GINGER PEOPLE
1) Meg (yes, we're still in the honeymoon phase)
2) Ron Weasley
3) Stephen (Goldsbrough)
4) Bryce Dallas Howard (who else has The Magic Rocks?)
5) Feofanova (pole vault hero)
TOP 5 CLUES FROM THE LAST CROSSWORD I DID
1) Livingstone and young boy make place in North England (6)
2) Wise man with sheep and ram's head for waste disposal (8)
3) Looked harshly at field in state of embarassment (6)
4) Banner which could say, 'Burn the Monarch' (8)
5) Bad reputation from source of scientists' troubles: in green meadow allotment.
TOP 5 PIECES IN C MAJOR
1) Walt (transposed)
2) Soul Limbo, obviously
3) Chopsticks
4) The Four Seasons: Spring
5) Hark, the Herald sung at a sesible pitch
TOP 5 NORWAY PEOPLE
1) Steph
2) Steph
3) Steph
4) Steph
5) Redders
TOP 5 TOP 5s
1) Top 5 alcoholic drinks not beginning with B
2) Top 5 traffic signs'
3) Top 5 Italian musical instructions
4) Top 5 obscenities
5) Top 5 etymological contrivances